Tellin' It Like It Is
by Belladonna Sinistra
Summary: A new girl comes to Hogwarts, and basically tells off all the people who need telling off, i.e. Snape, Harry-in-prat-mode, the Dursleys, etc. but most of those will come in later chapters. ^_~
1. Now where's that camera...

I don't know whether or not this is classed as an MST, but anyway- It features a character of my own invention, Meela Masribani, who basically tells people where to go, and to hell with the consequences. Really, this is what I would have said had I been in these particular situations, but since I can't be because the Harry Potter world is merely a figment of someone's imagination, this is my way of expressing my planned actions. All things Harry Potter-related belong to J.K. Rowling, but Meela is my own invention, so please don't steal her. Normal rules apply to character thieves- go Cheshire Cat!! * throws confetti around * 

Oh, and another thing: I know Griffindor and Slytherin don't usually have Defence Against the Dark Arts together, but they do in this story. Okay? Good. ^_^

Well anyway, let's get on with the ass-whuppin', shall we? ^_~

_~Tellin' It Like It Is~_

_by Belladonna Sinistra_

So this is Hogwarts. I don't think I'm making a good impression, though- my first day, and I'm late. I'm going to strangle that damned Poltergeist- Peeves is a good name for him. But anyway, I'm here now. I push the door open, but even though my timetable says I have Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Lupin, Professor Lupin isn't there. Instead, it's the man whom they said would be my Head of House, Professor Snape. Must be filling in. He looks like a slimy git to me, but since I'm going to be stuck with him for the next four years, I probably should be nice to him.

'Yes?'

'Sorry I'm late, sir, I ran into that damned Poltergeist. I'm a new student, I just started today.'

'I see. And what was your name?'

'Meela Masribani, sir.' That blond kid's looking at me again. He didn't take his eyes off me once during dinner last night. Looks like another slimeball to me, but again, four years…I give him a sweet smile, then turn my attention back to Snape, who is checking my name off the register.

'Welcome to Hogwarts, Miss Masribani. Please, take a seat.'

'Thank you, sir.' The blond kid's beckoning me over to the spare seat beside him, so I take it. What's his name again? Draco, that's it.

Perhaps I should be listening to Snape, Defence Against the Dark Arts is not really my strong point.

'Professor Lupin has not left any record of the topics…'

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and a boy runs in.

'Sorry I'm late, Professor Lupin, I…' He stops, obviously surprised.

'The lesson began ten minutes ago, Potter, so I think we'll make it ten points from Griffindor. Sit down.'

'Where's Professor Lupin?'

'He says he is feeling too ill to teach today. I believe I told you to sit down?'

The boy doesn't move. 'What's wrong with him?' Don't push it, kid…

'Nothing life-threatening,' Bet you wish it was, though. I'm really starting to dislike this guy. 'Five more points from Griffindor, and if I have to ask you to sit down again, it will be fifty.' The boy sits, and I see Draco smirk out of the corner of my eye, so I tap his ankle with my foot, shaking my head.

'As I was saying before Potter interrupted, Professor Lupin has not left any record of the topics you have covered so far-'

The bushy-haired girl whom Potter is sitting next to pipes up: 'Please sir, we've done Boggarts, Red Caps, Kappas and Grindylows, and we're just about to start-'

'Be quiet. I did not ask for information. I was merely commenting on Professor Lupin's lack of organization.'

I mutter under my breath: 'It's his class, it probably seems organised to him.' Fortunately, Draco doesn't hear, as he's too busy staring raptly at Snape.

'He's the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had.' says another boy, rather bravely considering Snape's expression, I think. There is a murmur of agreement from the Griffindor side of the class, and a few snickers from the Slytherins, which are ignored by Snape .

'You are easily satisfied. Lupin is hardly overtaxing you- I would expect first years to be able to deal with Red Caps and Grindylows. Today we shall discuss-' He flicks through the textbook, to the very last chapter. '-werewolves.' He says with an evil smirk. Great. The first topic and I've already done it. Yawn.

'Which of you can tell me how we distinguish between the werewolf and the true wolf?' The bushy-haired girl's hand is first into the air. Somehow I get the impression that this is a regular occurrence…For some reason, however, Snape appears to be ignoring her.

'Anyone? Are you telling me that Professor Lupin hasn't even taught you the basic distinction between-'

'We told you, we haven't got as far as werewolves yet, we're still on-'

'_Silence!_ Well, well, well, I never thought I'd meet a third year class who couldn't even recognise a werewolf when they saw one. I shall make a point of informing Professor Dumbledore how very behind you all are…'

'Please sir, the werewolf differs from the true wolf in several small ways. The snout of the werewolf-'

'That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Five more points from Griffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.' How rude…the bushy-haired girl puts her hand down, turns very red, and stares at the floor with her eyes full of tears. What a jerk! Apparently one of her friends has had enough, too…

'You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don't want to be told?' Eeep…

'Detention, Weasley, and if I ever hear you criticise the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed.' I'll bet…Right, that's it. This has gone far enough. I stand up.

'Yes, Miss Masribani?'

'I have a number of points I would like to make, Professor. Firstly, when you are relieving another teacher, you are not supposed to deviate from their lesson plan. It is there for a reason. Secondly, Miss Granger was about to give you a correct answer to a question which you asked, without specifying a target for said question, I might add, and while she may indeed be a know-it-all, it is not your place to tell her so. And finally, threatening a student in any way does constitute assault, which, as I'm sure you know, is a very serious offence. Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, I feel I must speak to Professor Dumbledore about the appalling display I've seen here. Good day.'

'I will not be spoken to in that manner! One hundred points from whichever house you're in!'

I smile very sweetly just as I reach the door. 'Slytherin, sir?'

The look on his face is priceless. Ah, why is there never a camera around when you need one…?


	2. Sorted...

Oh God, they're at it again. I tell you, if I hear the words 'You-Know-Who' mentioned one more time, I swear I'm going to scream. Bloody hell, is Binns still talking?!

'…the giants were quite closely allied with You-Know-Who-' Right, sod this. I stand up. Binns looks stunned- I don't think anyone's ever interrupted the old duck before.

'Yes, Miss…er-?'

'Masribani, sir. I would just like to point out that you have used the words 'You-Know-Who' ten times in the last five minutes, and it's driving me up the wall. _Voldemort_ isn't going to pop up out of thin air if you say his name, you know.'

A hush goes around the room, and Binns looks scandalised.

'Look at you all, it's pathetic. Sitting there looking oh-so-shocked and scandalised because somebody had the guts to stand up and say 'Bite me, Voldemort'. It's because of people like you that he has power in the first place.'

Well now, that's confused them no end…

'What on earth are you talking about, Miss Masterson?!'

'Well Professor, it's very simple. If people stopped cowering behind their precious euphuisms for things, and we all stood up together and said 'Come on, Voldemort, do your worst. You don't scare us', then Voldemort would lose the power he has over people.'

'How can you be sure of something like that?! It's absurd!'

'Is it, sir? Do you know what Voldemort's real power is? _Fear._ Pure and simple. He knows that if people are afraid of him, then he has power over them. It's up to all of us to take away that power. And for Christ's sake, will you all stop cringing whenever I say "Voldemort"?! You people drive me bloody mad!'

'But he's done heaps of really terrible things! People should be afraid of stuff like that! What if it happens to them?!' Was that a wise move for a Slytherin, Blaise…?

'True, but we must remember that everything Voldemort does, every time he murders someone, he's just saying 'Look at me! Look at me! I have a wand, and it makes big loud noises and pretty colours! Aren't I good!?' Think of him as a little girl dressed up in her mother's lipstick and high heels. Not remotely frightening…'

Blaise doesn't reply, he just blinks at me. Blink blink…silly boy. The bell rings, signalling the end of the lesson. I pick up my bag and saunter out, leaving a sea of shocked faces behind me. Then the applause starts…I smile to myself. Sorted…


	3. The Happiest Days of Our Lives

When we grew up and went to school 

_There were certain teachers who would_

_Hurt the children any way they could_

_By pouring their derision upon anything we did_

_Exposing every weakness_

_However carefully hidden by the kids_

_But in the town it was well known_

_When they got home at night_

_Their fat and psychopathic wives would_

_Thrash them within an inch of their lives…_

Why is it that whenever I want to borrow a book, I can never bloody well find the one I want?! It was here just a few hours ago…Hang on, who's that behind the bookshelf over there?

'Snape's never been like this with any of our other Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers-' Ah, it's Potter and co…

'Hey, who's that?' Damn, they've seen me…

'It's that new girl, the one who had a go at Snape! Hey, what's your name again?'

'Meela Masribani. What were you two saying?'

'We were just talking about Snape and why he hates everyone. What do you think?'

'I don't know. It could be many things- fear, anger, jealousy – or it could be that he's just a misanthrope.'

'A what?'

'A misanthrope. Someone who distrusts everyone else. Maybe he's been hurt by someone, and he's decided that it's easier to simply stop anyone from coming close so that he can't be hurt again.'

'I'd never thought of it like that…'

'I can see that. Just…try to be patient with him, I don't think he really means all of the things he says.'

'What d'you mean, patient?! After what you said to him before?!'

'I had to do that, Ron, somebody had to say to him 'Look, you can't do things like that!' Teachers can get into very serious trouble for threatening students.'

'Trouble, eh…?'

'Don't you dare. I'm warning you, Weasley…'

'Okay, okay! Jeez…' Harry jumps in now, possibly noticing the blood-curdling glare I'm giving Weasley.

'That stuff you said to Binns was really great! You're really not scared of Voldemort at all, are you?'

'No. As I said, he only does it for attention. And don't you roll your eyes at me, either, Weasley.' Little git…

'Why not?! Everyone's afraid of You-Know-…' He trails off.

'Don't exaggerate, Weasley. I'm not afraid of Voldemort, Professor Dumbledore isn't afraid of Voldemort, Narcissa Malfoy isn't afraid of him…'

'Narcissa Malfoy?'

'Yes. She may detest him, but she certainly isn't afraid of him.'

'But I thought the Malfoys were right in his inner circle!'

'Lucius Malfoy probably was, but his wife wanted nothing to do with Voldemort. I'd imagine that she's absolutely livid that Voldemort's old followers are all going back to him. Must ask Draco next time I see him…'

'So…you're saying that Lucius Malfoy's wife will be really angry if he goes back to You-Know-Who?'

'Absolutely. I tell you, I wouldn't like to be on the wrong side of her. Veela can be incredibly nasty when provoked…'

'She's a Veela?!'

'Well, half-Veela. Didn't you wonder why Draco didn't fall for them at the World Cup?'

'Well, I'll be damned…' It's not so bad when you get used to it, Ron…

'But if she hates Voldemort so much, why is Draco always going on about the 'Dark Lord'?'

'He only does that when his mother's not around. When she's there, any pro-Voldemort comments are countered with her Veela Stare, and I'll tell you now, that'll make you want to throw yourself out of the nearest window just to get away from it. Then she'll just ignore you, I've seen her do it to Avery and various others.'

'Being ignored doesn't sound so bad…'

'It doesn't sound so bad, but it is. Have you ever heard of Plato's theory?'

'No.'

'Plato believed that you are the centre of the universe, and that the whole world, and everyone and everything in it, is all a figment of your imagination. When Narcissa Malfoy decides to ignore you, it's as if, for a time, you literally don't exist in her world. She won't acknowledge your presence at all, she just stares straight through you as if you're not even there. It's incredibly spooky to watch, I'd hate to be on the receiving end.'

The bell rings now, signalling the start of afternoon classes. At least they'll have something to think about in Potions next period…


End file.
